It has taken me a bit of time to address the issues that are going on within the last week. Especially the Virginia Tech massacre, it has made it very difficult to smile for me this week. The week has recently brought me many pondering thoughts about my life and what I am capable of doing for people, for animals. How I can possibly change the world? I know, it might be impossible for me change the entire world but what is my destiny? Am I to be thought of as a good person, an inspirational person, a great thinker, writer, mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter.. am I to be thought of as all these things.. will I live up to these things that seem to be so far away for me. Some of them, I have already accomplished but if I was to die tomorrow or today, would I be happy with who I was? Would I become a Buddha? Have I mastered enlightenment? Am I a happy person? Do people feel warmth when around me or do they receive chills? Do people find me attractive? Would I go to heaven, even though, I am not a prophet of Christ or an avid believer of one God? Can I forgive or am I to judgmental? Am I to be forgiven about the wrong things I have done. The answer to most of these questions that run a treadmill on my mind all the time, is a yes. However, I might not think that myself and the higher power, whatever it might be, are one yet. I am far from becoming a Buddha or a great thinker. I know through my experiences with my life, I can help people.
If we all took the time to get to know one person, would it have prevented Cho from killing 31 college students/professors? If someone had just taken to the time to get to know him to show him that someone cared, to show him that the life he is privileged to live can be and is a beautiful thing. When you have a creative mind or a creative person, you tend to draw the crowd of creativity around you. Some of the people, you will meet in life, you will think of as amazing thinkers and also on the break of generousness but there is a fine line between genius and crazy. How do you determine if they are crazy or just genius? I am not sure if there even is away to determine. I have been very mournful this week of the people whom have suffered this great tragedy in their lives. However this week, I have shed a lot of tears for people I didn't know and it's been awhile that I have been humbled like this and felt entirely to small and helpless. I have taken steps to get to know people, to smile more because it might make my day better. I have realized that the only way I can change the world is to just keep living and smiling. No matter what has put me in such destain that day, I need to keep being happy, learning about cultures, understanding people and animals. I am determined to take at least a few moments out of my day to get to know a complete stranger, to have strangers get to know me and to smile at me. I truly believe this will make our lives much brighter and slowly begin to teach our children that we are all equals and all deserve to be treated as you would want to be treated. I have also come to the realization that we can not have good without evil.
I am aware that people really care about me.
Some of my friendships lately are being tested. I have always been fully aware of myself and who I was but are other people aware of themselves? For instance, I get the impressions that some of my friends are fake. They are peoples friends to get information on others and gossip. This is a common problem for me, as I am the gossip queen but most gossip tends to be about myself not around others. I question their loyalties, and despise their weakness. The more and more I talk to this person, I realize just how ignorant they are about life and the actions of other people, especially the opposite sex. I am ignorant by the opposite sex a lot of the time but I am not completely blinded by them, no matter how desperate I might become. In the last few weeks or days, this person has made me nauseous several times when we talk. I don't know what it is. Perhaps, the utter crap that comes out of this person's mouth or just their simple minded view on love. Almost child like and Cinderella-y .
I suppose it could be the differences in crowds this person and I belong too. This person tends to hang around spoiled rich brats and well, I hang around a lot of spoiled rich brats but the are pretty real....most of the time...
I am starting to believe maybe I should stop talking to this person. I can only take to much crap in my ears at once. Besides, I hate it when they go around acting like a fucking Saint. Give me a break, really.
|Body:||hope he treats you good just not give you what you want, see ya sorry we couldnt work it out hpe life treats you well, I cant live worried if im doing the right thing i am who i am. |
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Jackie Oh!
Date: Mar 23, 2007 1:18 PM
I will be away for the weekend. :)
Finally getting out of Orlando for a bit. For any questions or concerns please contact my secretary KOKO
|Date:||Mar 24, 2007 8:06 PM|
|Body:||glad to know you can so easly forget about me, a least im not a lasting impretion on you good to know im so bad at a good impretion to make you want to love me as a real woman should. good times,hope you do well in life nice knowing you ,cant keep being strung along by someone that dont know what they want as much as they tell them self that they do,love ya sorry it couldnt work its self out. lif is to short to think i should fight for whats right if its right i wouldnt have to fight. been nice, so long. love yea wish the best. |