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I once was lost but now, I'm found


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jackiejournal
Hey everyone,

Sorry it's been a few days since my last decent blog entry. My words have started some wars, as usual. I try to watch what I say to certain people because I am aware that I am very good at using my words as weapons. I have actually become very talented at this game of Devil's tongue. My words, however, are the only way I have to express myself really since I refrain from beating people up, throwing things, shooting things or blowing things up. The Buddhist in me, I suppose. Recently, I wrote a blog about disposing of people in my life and not being their friends anymore. Woah, I never imagined the war that would start. I tried as hard as possible to be adult about it and just say the friendship is over. We can no longer be friends because things have changed to much between us. I thought this was a normal part of life? You just grow out of some people. Well, apparently this was a big deal? So, this person went and wrote a blog about what a bitch I was on myspace for saying these things to her. I don't particularly understand the reason why she felt the need to broadcast it? Paraphs, it was for attention and to get people to feel sorry for her? I wasn't mean about the situation either.. I basically said, we're done as friends, for a,b, and c reasons. I really couldn't blame her for being upset about these reasons. I basically told her that I didn't trust her and I was impartial to her as a friend.. and who needs friends, you can't trust?... Mostly, because I never really knew where her loyalty was. Apparently, she had none to begin with because a few short days later, she wrote this terrible blog about what a horrid bitch I am. So, needless to say, she proved all my points. I couldn't trust her because she wasn't worthy of my trust or loyalties. Since her boyfriend and I are friends.. I am not sure how it's going to effect my friendship with him. I am not really going to worry about it either since he's in and out of my life. If he takes her side, which he rightly should being the boyfriend and all, I would not lose any sleep over it. In fact, I don't believe I will lose any sleep over these people. My life is good right now. I have loyal friends that I can trust with just about everything. I have friends that inspire me on a day to day basis without doing anything at all but just by being themselves. 

The day after Brian was stabbed, I will never forget what one of my managers said to me when I was on the way home in tears. "Ms. Landrau, you are the company you keep. Be careful". It took me awhile for me to realize what she was saying to me. Do I want to be a part of this crowd? No. So, in a blink of an eye, I was gone. Unfortunately, I have had to lose a good friend out of it, or so I thought this person was a good friend.  All I need in my life is the people I have in it currently, Tiki, Ryan, Kori, Natasha, Mike, Matt and the gang., Diane and Liza, although I wish I seen Liza more and wish I could be a part of her life. My fear is that she has grown out of me. That's okay though, I would rather have her in my life partially then not at all. So, I am okay with that. Yes, these are people who I never have to second guess my loyalties too.. never have to ponder if I should tell them something. Those are the kind of people I need in my life not because I am weak but only because they make me stronger.

Speaking of the gang, Natasha's birthday party is this weekend. Whoop! Sorry that I couldn't make it out to the shows but you understand why I don't attend the shows in Orlando. I MISS YOU JEN!

As for the love life,  everything is good. Tiki and I had a good laugh the other night and have been talking a lot. He's been by my side throughout this entire ordeal, trying to resolve the issues I had with him and with myself. He's been very good for me. I am going over there tonight. :)

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I don't really think it's any of my business to get into this, and I'm obviously not taking sides, because I think the whole thing is kind of ridiculous on both accounts, but...

You broadcasted it, too. I would think that you would consider the fact that she'd do the same back.

this much is true but I don't think I did broadcast it as negatively, I suppose? I don't know. It is ridiculous.

I guess she was much meaner than you were about it, but when you say something like I had to take the garbage out of my life, or whatever it was that you said, in such a public forum, you've got to expect that people are going to get offended and fight back.

I don't think that it's right for two people that were at one time such good friends to badmouth eachother like that, but to each his own. I'm just saying, you can't blame one person for getting offended and taking it to the next level when it's provoked. I probably wouldn't have been too nice if I was called garbage, and I'm pretty sure that's what set her off. Regardless of whether you meant it like that or not it was taken like that and I think nost people would've taken it like that.

Considering from what I read that both of you guys have mutual friends and people that you care about in your lives, I would try a little bit harder to at least be respectful of eachother, or just not address one another in any sort of way at all, because really, the whole thing is uncalled for.

Yeah, the garbage comment was a little mean of me to say. However, got to love livejournal for this stuff. Anyways, there is nothing I can do to fix it now. Her and my friendship is over and that's just the way it is. I don't want people in my life, I can't trust. She just proved me why I can't trust her. That's just the way my life is I suppose. Other then that, my life has been drama free.

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