mood: rejuvenated

I went to confession today. One huge step for me and I must say that I do feel a lot better and it was not as scarry as I thought. Here is one Saint that I am really finding inspiration from..
St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me sow peace;
where there is injury let me sow forgiveness;
where there is doubt let me sow faith;
where there is despair let me give hope;
where there is darkness let me give light;
where there is sadness let me give joy.
0 Lord, grant that I may not try to be comforted, but to comfort,
not try to be understood but to understand,
not try to be loved but to love.
Because it is in giving that we receive,
it is in forgiving that we are forgiven,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
 

mood: curious music: If Everyone Cared- Nickelback

It has taken me a bit of time to address the issues that are going on within the last week. Especially the Virginia Tech massacre, it has made it very difficult to smile for me this week. The week has recently brought me many pondering thoughts about my life and what I am capable of doing for people, for animals. How I can possibly change the world? I know, it might be impossible for me change the entire world but what is my destiny? Am I to be thought of as a good person, an inspirational person, a great thinker, writer, mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter.. am I to be thought of as all these things.. will I live up to these things that seem to be so far away for me. Some of them, I have already accomplished but if I was to die tomorrow or today, would I be happy with who I was? Would I become a Buddha? Have I mastered enlightenment? Am I a happy person? Do people feel warmth when around me or do they receive chills? Do people find me attractive? Would I go to heaven, even though, I am not a prophet of Christ or an avid believer of one God? Can I forgive or am I to judgmental? Am I to be forgiven about the wrong things I have done. The answer to most of these questions that run a treadmill on my mind all the time, is a yes. However, I might not think that myself and the higher power, whatever it might be, are one yet. I am far from becoming a Buddha or a great thinker. I know through my experiences with my life, I can help people.

If we all took the time to get to know one person, would it have prevented Cho from killing 31 college students/professors? If someone had just taken to the time to get to know him to show him that someone cared, to show him that the life he is privileged to live can be and is a beautiful thing. When you have a creative mind or a creative person, you tend to draw the crowd of creativity around you. Some of the people, you will meet in life, you will think of as amazing thinkers and also on the break of generousness but there is a fine line between genius and crazy. How do you determine if they are crazy or just genius? I am not sure if there even is away to determine. I have been very mournful this week of the people whom have suffered this great tragedy in their lives. However this week, I have shed a lot of tears for people I didn't know and it's been awhile that I have been humbled like this and felt entirely to small and helpless. I have taken steps to get to know people, to smile more because it might make my day better. I have realized that the only way I can change the world is to just keep living and smiling. No matter what has put me in such destain that day, I need to keep being happy, learning about cultures, understanding people and animals. I am determined to take at least a few moments out of my day to get to know a complete stranger, to have strangers get to know me and to smile at me. I truly believe this will make our lives much brighter and slowly begin to teach our children that we are all equals and all deserve to be treated as you would want to be treated. I have also come to the realization that we can not have good without evil.